Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thwarting the Vegetable Gods

A lot of time on this blog has been spent in the musing of the intentions of the Vegetable Gods. They foil us at every turn with late frosts, scalding heat, thick humidity, too much sun, too little sun, cut worms, squash bugs, vine borers, root maggots, cucumber beetles, spider mites, early frosts and the rogue bird, squirrel, feral cat or other animal for hire, all of which serve in their determination to deprive us of the bounty we so crave during the dark ages of winter. We are not so easily deterred. We fight back with our arsenal of soil amendments, organic/non organic pest control, and hoop covers. We fight the good fight from frost to frost, and all is well. For all our hard work and dedication, our harvests fill our cabinets, our freezers, our bellies and our hearts.

Then, there are times when the Vegetable Gods falsely assume they're humorous, take advantage of our garden-greed and overload us with a single vegetable unmercifully like they've done to Granny. 300 lbs. of tomatoes isn't funny, no matter how you look at it.

Our main issue with the Vegetable Gods in the South, besides the rampant insects, is the short spring and summer inferno that arrives without warning. The lettuce and radishes thrive in the succulent spring, but bolt far before the tomatoes have produced their first flowers.

(Yes, my friends. I'm on my Vegetable Gods' conspiracy theory yet again (post 1 / post 2). No I won't let it go. I can dwell on any one thing for weeks if not months or years at a time without it getting old or my ramblings on the matter making any more sense. I'm a woman. That's my job.)

Ahhh...Fall. The toxic humidity of the southern summer drops off as quickly as it arrived, leaving no trace of its presence, and the sun's warmth kisses your skin as it was wont to do. And, my fellow gardeners in arms, the fall becomes the time for....


Provided, of course, that the hand pollination of the cucumbers works out. I've got my eye on you, Vegetable Gods. I'm coming to your house; I'm knocking on your door, and I'm bringing a fork.
Grow, cucumbers, grow.
Oh, and GOOOOOOOO DAWGS! Sick 'em!! Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof! Can't forget that, now, can I?
The morning comes early. Sweet gardening dreams.


  1. High temps have thwarted my lettuce growing. I have no greens to go with the (plentiful) tomatoes and cucumbers, with the exception of a handful of spinach leaves that were shaded by the parsnips. The rabbit, however, is feasting on garden grown greens that are not to our liking. Why do his grow and ours don't? The Vegetable Gods are conspiring against me, too.

  2. Actually, 300 lbs. of tomatoes IS funny. heh. Ya lettuce is almost ready to pick, too - and an integrated salad is in the works for sure! I canned all day, and didn't get to watch much football. However, I did see my boys play. War Eagle!!!!

  3. Seriously, EG, what's with Auburn not being ranked!?

  4. I think you have it all wrong. Vegetable Gods are not doing bad things to you. Well OK the Vegetable Gods might be responsible for Granny's 300lbs of tomatoes, but surely they are not responsible for the premature death of the lettuce. That would be the Weather Gods getting a good laugh. Though I might point out that even here in the north the Weather Gods laugh at us. We get just hot enough for the lettuce to bolt in August when our tomatoes are starting to come in. If we are lucky by the time the fall lettuce rolls around our tomatoes won't be dead yet - like mine are. I get the last laugh though. I make tomato and cucumber salads in August.

  5. Is it even possible to have lettuce AND tomatoes from the same garden? And wouldn't THAT be wonderful!!

  6. Ah, Daphne, you've got it right, there. The Veggie and Weather Gods are in cahoots with each other. And thus, the conspiracy grows.

  7. Oh, it's possible, Sue. The stars will allign in two weeks...mark my words. ;)

  8. LOL! I gotta agree; it is a conspiracy between the Veggie Gods and Weather Gods.
    But my "fall" garden is looking good so far. And I'm hoping for the stars to align for me, too...

  9. I am passing a Meme Award on to you. Don't worry though, you don't have to do the list again.

  10. Funny post! And how true....! I am looking forward to my lettuces again, and I am wondering if my one cherry tomato on the deck will continue produce long enough for a salad? ....probably not!

  11. My Weather Gods (you know they're local, right?), helping out the Garden Gods, caused an unseasonable downpour just as I was completing my irrigation system.

    Ha ha.

    I laughed all the way to the area I was gluing up yesterday. ha.

    At least so far they've resisted attacking the vegetables directly, although the squirrels might be their minions.